Is It Time To Give Up?
Jack Steel
November 02, 2024
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Is It Time To Give Up?
Knowing When to Quit & When to Keep Going
By Jack Steel
When is it good to quit? To stop and give up? Is it ever?
It can be hard thought to wrap our heads around, good to give up? It seems to go against all that we have been conditioned to believe in, but after a certain point, it can no longer be wise to stubbornly refuse to change course. Knowing when to keep going and when to stop can be make or break.
There are many stories of perseverance that inspire, stories of heroes and heroines in films, books and fables and accounts of the people in the bible overcoming great odds and concurring foes and evils. These are the stories we tell each other and our children to inspire us to keep going when all seems lost. Stories are filled with characters that pull themselves up from the dirt to fight again and somehow prevail, and if victory is truly beyond reach, they will go out fighting to the bitter end. Theoden of Rohen in the Lord of the Rings marches to his doom in battle knowing he will die, but goes anyway; Andy Dufresne maintains his hope and escapes to freedom in the Shawshank Redemption despite all torments thrown against him; Rocky Balboa defied the odds to pull himself from his humble background to success and victory “Every champion was once a contender who refused to give up.”
It is Christ that gives us perhaps the ultimate story of perseverance as He himself defied the odds and defeated death to return to earth. When all hope is lost, and we feel like giving up on ourselves, we are reminded by Christ that his love for us is never ending. His unwavering love and grace persist, even when our faith wavers or we lose sight of our spiritual path.
Our lives are formed by the tales and stories we tell each other, they are part of our very nature. And it is easy to understand why stories of perseverance and determination are so appealing to us, life in its moments can be hard. From thousands of years ago to now, there has always been struggles to overcome, and a tale of a hero is sometimes all we need to keep us going. But when is it time to stop? When can continuing to persevere actually be detrimental to our health and possibly the wellbeing of those around us - is there a good time to step back and walk away?
In Ancient Greek mythology Sisyphus, for his pride and cruelty, is cursed for all eternity by Zeus to roll an immense boulder to the top of a mountain, only for the boulder to roll back to the bottom again at the end of day, thus trapping Sisyphus in a loop of endless futile struggle.
The danger of holding on too tightly to the grand stories of old, that teach us to persevere no matter the odds, is we can sometimes trap ourselves in a place of unnecessary torment much like was placed upon Sisyphus. However we, unlike the Greek myth, do have the choice to stop. We can take a pause and ask ourselves, is it beneficial to continue? for ourselves and for others? After a certain point, changing course need not be seen as a failure to ‘conquer the insurmountable odds’ but just wise. God tells us in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
We should be careful to not allow ourselves to get into a place where the struggle becomes futile rather than brave or perseverant. Sometimes it is less about giving up, but merely adjusting the sails and changing course. We shouldn’t let pride or ambition cloud our judgement to convince us of a pursuit that we see as just, it may not be in God’s plan. Sometimes obstacles are there for a reason, to remind us to take a pause, not always to overcome.
It may be a long-held goal or ambition, it may be finishing a task or work project. It can be easy to confuse struggling to get something done, just the way we imagine it, as noble, much like the stories from films. But we are also able to push ourselves past the point that we can endure, to keep going when it is no longer wise to do so. After we are exhausted and fatigued and all has been spent, sometimes the wisest thing to do is stop and ask, is this what I am meant to be doing? The Greek Philosopher Epictetus writes; “Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace.” Stubbornly pushing against the tide can be noble, for a time. After a point, one must question, are you really meant to be swimming upstream? Going with the flow can not only be the path to least resistance, but sometimes what is right.
All it takes is a brief Google search or a flick through any ‘self-help’ book to come across an abundance of pseudo intellectual quotes that all speak of keeping going, of resilience and fortitude, but what few seem to question is if we are even going the right way. And more importantly, how to know which way is right.
If you are buried underground in an avalanche, it is common to lose your bearings on which way is up or down. At this point the right amount of perseverance is to overcome the panic and begin to dig yourself out, not to merely give up. But at which point when you have been digging for hours tirelessly do you stop to question, am I digging in the right direction? Is the struggle worthwhile if you are digging down instead of up towards the light?
Now in this situation there are all sorts of tricks to check. If there is no indication which way the snow seems most bright you can check which way your breath rises, water or spit can be used to tell which way it falls, and a change of direction can be made. This is the point where stopping and changing course is no longer giving up but just sensible and potentially lifesaving. But a thought may creep in, what about the tunnel you have already dug? You’ve spent so long digging it? You can’t give up now? In the pursuit of completing the task we can be tricked into forgetting that the original goal was not to dig a fantastic tunnel but to escape and make it to the light of day. Do not be too set on work that is done, that you may not be able to start again. It’s ok to wipe the board clean and begin afresh.
In life however it is not always as easy to tell which way is right as it is to tell up from down - in life’s big struggles, we are not always aided by gravity to tell the way.
It is at this point, that we must lean on something else. A greater plan, not only in our hearts – for they can be easily lead astray – but we must listen to what God has planned for us, and in order to truly hear this, we may need to stand still and just wait. "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’" Isaiah 30:21
I would venture as a good rule of thumb however, that whatever it is you’re doing, if it is bringing you consistent discomfort, unhappiness and misfortune, there is a good chance that this isn’t what you are meant to be doing or the way you are meant to be doing it - there’s a good chance you may be digging down rather than up towards the light.
In truth, both the lack of any perseverance and the abundance of stubbornly persisting despite wisdom can be perilous.
In the bible, as Moses and the Israelites approached the land of Canaan they doubted God and lacked the perseverance needed. Intimidated by the challenge, the Israelites lost faith in God’s promise to deliver the land to them. Instead they chose their own path. The refusal to stop and listen to God but to stubbornly persevere in the direction the Israelites believed to be true, led to an 11 day journey taking over 40 years. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
To warn against misplaced perseverance is not to say that life will be easy or should be forever comfortable, perseverance is a needed and valued attribute. As the Greek philosopher Epictetus writes; “What would have become of Hercules, do you think, if there had been no lion, hydra, stag or boar – and no savage criminals to rid the world of? What would he have done in the absence of such challenges? Obviously he would have just rolled over in bed and gone back to sleep. So by snoring his life away in luxury and comfort he never would have developed into the mighty Hercules.”
Jesus himself was tested in the desert. For 40 days and 40 nights he was tempted by the Satan and He overcame.
There does need to be however, a line drawn between engaging in a necessary fight against the odds and enduring futile toil. Both Christ and the mythical Hercules did not seek out these evils merely for sport but so that they could fulfil a greater purpose. Perseverance can breed resilience and mould character, but do be careful what sort of character it is you are moulding into shape. When Christ had met his test in the desert and the task was complete, he knew when to leave.
At the point where we meet insurmountable odds, we must stop and ask, is this a time to dig deep and summon some extra courage like heroes of old, or is it time to turn around and find another path through the mountains. If in doubt, maybe the best course of action is to stop, pause and ask for help. You never know, it may just be a little more time is all that is needed, or perhaps God will gently help to guide us onto a new route, possibly the one we missed a few turns back in the road.
Whatever the end, remember not to fear retracing ones steps in order to move further ahead. Sometimes it truly is time to give up going the wrong way, and start towards the light.
“You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Psalms 18:28
“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalms 119:105
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