Reconciling

Jane Denniston October 24, 2026 2 2

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Ephesians 4: 25-27 (NIV-UK)

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body. 26 ‘In your anger do not sin’: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 

And after a week of Smashing, Shaking, Shouting, Screaming, Shoving, Scolding, we come to Reconciling.

Our anger triggers can take several directions, and while they may feel the same, I believe they can be qualitatively different — and so what we do with them will be different too. We have been focusing outward this week – looking out to the world and the many ways this world is not what we want it to be, not what God wants it to be. The many ways things in this world might stir us to anger. This passage from Ephesians reminds us that it is not sinful to feel angry, rather, the sin may lie in what we do with our anger.

There are identifiable ways of dealing with anger – confronting (I win/you lose), compromising (I win some/you win some), collaborating (I win/you win), accommodating (I lose/you win), avoiding (I lose/you lose) according to the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. All of them have their place, depending on the situation but we all have a default. The problem is that, as they say, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Our challenge is to recognise when we need to confront, or avoid, or compromise, and use that tool, even when it feels uncomfortable. Reconciling is hard and challenging but necessary work — and never more necessary than in the world today.

Prayer:

Lord of reconciliation,

help us to recognise our default response to conflict

and have the courage to turn from it when necessary.

Help us to find the words to challenge

or pacify.

Help us to find the words to confront with grace

and soothe with robustness.

Help us to find the words to teach

or open us up to learn.

Help us to recognise our own prejudices

before we judge others.

Help us to see to the log in our own eye

before we attempt to remove the speck that is in our neighbour’s, Amen. r